…Awaits some dark and peculiar things. Just a fortnight ago I decided to do a clear out in order to prep for my new job thingies. I was so excited to finally become a full-time reporter at the newspaper that I became perhaps a bit too worryingly excited about organising my writing kit. Shorthand notepads, pens and post-its had never been so satisfying. Nonetheless, I had a terrifying obstacle to overcome beforehand – and that was unfurling the contents of my bag.
You see, I don’t carry the type of bag that any regular human being would. For some reason, the thought of having an everyday bag the size of an Ipad is positively preposterous. My bag would beat Mary Poppins’ magical ‘un hands down. It is proportionally insane. I truly believe it could weigh more than me. How on earth would I otherwise fit all my gym stuff, makeup and office attire in appropriately? For me, only a family-sized weekend bag will do.
The Daily Mail recently published a tell-all article on what was in the Queen’s bag. Yes you heard it right, somehow having the opportunity to snoop in your royal highness’ handbag is rather appealing. I was also deliriously pleased to hear it contained normal things such as ‘chocolate’ – for sugar fixes of course – and a mini flask of gin. Wait is this normal? Perhaps on a really stressful week.
So as I began to empty the contents of my bag to make way for my new things, it became apparent just how atrocious I was at keeping track of my spending habits and purchases. To my horror, right at the pit of my bag lay a mountain of receipts – each of them detailing all the nonsensical buys and fruitless splurges that made me realise exactly why I had zilch in my savings account.
I sifted through each of them in dismay – £70 on a pretentious ‘lunch’ and wine in Browns, £69 spend at Mac Cosmetics, £7 at a time in Starbucks… I was ashamed to see just how much my daily spending could add up. No wonder I never noticed how much I was really spending – all the bloody evidence was stuffed away in a pile at the bottom of my bag, simply waiting to pull me out of my reckless-splurging haze.
So that was that. I decided there and then that I was going to become a thrifty, financially sensible journalist. It was my new goal – to quickly eradicate the gaping hole left in my depleted bank balance and start smartening up about the way I spent. So long to spontaneous Lisa who enjoys £10 a pop cocktails at 5am and spends nauseating amounts in a relentless bid to find the perfect face cream – I had to learn to curb my spending for good and save for the future.
Because of course now that I had a proper grown-up job I’d obviously have to become a proper grown-up – which also meant I had to stop buying items like Percy Pig sweets from M&S and to stop using my card to pay for Sunday afternoon Jack Daniels that I really didn’t need.
As well as the stash of receipts which made my guilt soar, there was also about 100 mini lipglosses and some rather unpleasant moulded chocolate raisins which I’m certain, were seen on many of the overpriced Holland & Barrett receipts bundled inside my gym kit.
Yes, it is now definitely time for me to hatch a money-saving plan for the future. The best way to do this is to begin with the handbag clear out. You’d be surprised at how much you can find out from that 48-hour bender just by looking at the receipts in your bag. Let’s see how long I last. I’m going to start by quitting with the daily Starbucks coffee’s for now. After all, a coffee only lasts about ten minutes, however those precipitous Zara heels in that case…